The difficulty of streaming

I find streaming difficult. I have heard comments saying how easy it is to make it into a career. I tell them, “you’re crazy if you believe that.” I started streaming on Twitch a couple years back. My rig is pretty old, but solid enough for games like Black Desert Online with some settings turned off. I never thought about making it big. All I wanted was a small following and afterwards combine it with writing. I’m not sure what the writing will consist of. I haven’t completely thought it though.

The biggest hurdle streaming is consistency. I haven’t been able to lock down a schedule in a year. Rogue elements in my life constantly pop up and privacy is an issue. I live with my parents so it’s basically impossible for them not to barge in every once in a while. Living in NYC is rough with rent as high as the buildings, so it’s economically sound compared to living with roommates or trying to find a studio in NYC. I pay for a couple of utilities and some basic necessities. I need to be able to setup a schedule I can easily follow each week. Otherwise growth will be inconsistent and follower retention will suffer.

The second hurdle is the hardware. If you stream games that have low hardware requirements, your setup if its within a couple years won’t matter all too much. However, if you’re streaming games that are fairly resource intensive, you need a suitable system to play and stream smoothly. My hardware is old, but running strong for all the esports related games like Overwatch or Fortnite. The games are on the lowest possible settings for the the highest consistent fps. Luckily my computer has managed to stay running nicely for the past five years, but I’m afraid one day my system will take a dump. I have the necessary funds to buy a new computer, but I want to save up a bit more until then. I have all the necessary peripherals so I’m set. Maybe a better boom arm for my microphone, but that’s it.

The most important aspect in streaming is the streamer. I feel my personality is utter garbage. I feel like I’m trying to force out ta conversation or I’m too focus on the game and being quiet. This aspect of streaming depresses me because I feel my personality isn’t good enough for streaming. Connecting with the viewers is crucial. The lack of viewers and my self-doubts made me stop streaming. Ultimately its the will of the person behind the camera that leads to great success, but I feel I’m a weak individual with terrible social skills.

I do want to try streaming again when my situation is less volatile. I don’t know… Maybe streaming is not with me, but the dream of connecting with others through this medium is enticing. It’s why I have lingering thoughts on the matter. As cliche as it is, only time will tell…or something along those lines.


What I want to be/reality of the situation

I’m not a consistent person. I have failed to keep weekly post of this blog. Part of it is laziness. Posting has always been on the back of my mind. A constant nagging feeling that will not let up, but I’m never fully compelled to act on it. In recent months, I finally got a job as a houseman at a hotel. Not glamorous, but it pays the food and bills. I’m grateful to have some spending money and not feel like total shit on relying on family members on basic necessities.

I don’t see myself spending too long there, but at the same time I’m at a lost what I want to be in future. At least in terms of career paths. I had aspirations as a writer, but I could never be consistent with writing. I wanted to be a streamer as dumb as it sounds. Interacting with people and enjoying the company of folks online seemed rather appealing, but I found myself at a lost of words whenever I go live. I tend to utilize streaming as a way of venting, but I don’t want to be a streamer known only for being irrationally angry playing games. As a somewhat socially inept person, I don’t want to sound stupid in front of people. I’m a quiet person, but I tend to be talkative with friends. Even then I find it hard to strike up conversations with them, let alone strangers. It’s hard for me to talk about things when I’m streaming and gaming.

Eventually I will choose a career path. Hopefully it will lead to prosperity in the future, but now? Things look murky as hell. At least I’m on a dinky life raft with the job I have. But its not a stable job. My job has a ridiculously high turn overrate. People I’ve known since I started work have quit and the possibly of injuring myself is high. It is manual labor and I’m a small 5’3 skinny Asian kid. It is possible I could be out of the job due to an injury. It is possible I might make a mistake and end up getting fired. I’m terrified at the prospect of being unemployed after years of being unemployed.

I apologize for the bleak post. I needed to vent and writing it in this format helps a bit. Hopefully, I’ll post more gaming content related stuff or random things of interest.

My Gamer Fuel

Seems like a fun topic to talk about. The stereotypical gamer food is usually something portable and can be eaten with one hand. I’ve been thinking about what I eat before a gaming session. I put away about an hour before starting a session with the following foods: rice balls, water, an energy drink, and some dried fruits.

I absolutely love rice balls. They are compact, dense, and delicious. I live next to a tea shop that specializes in rice balls. My typical order is either SPAM or shrimp tempera with some hot green tea. I try not to overeat cause it makes me tired. If I’m not in the mood for rice balls, any sandwich or food in a compact form will do.

The energy drink varies at times. Sometimes I would have it and other days I would leave it out. It’s usually Red Bull and on rare occasion Monsters. Monster is usually too sweet for my taste. I would order ice coffee, but my stomach has been acting up lately so I tend to only have it in small amounts. The drink I need the most is regular water. There is literally no substitute for it. It keeps you quenched and hydrated.

Dried fruits like apricots, raisins are my go to snacks through a session. I stagger the fruits across the gaming session. It helps me sustain the session as long as I need it.

There’s my gamer fuel of choice. Without this subsistence, competing on ladder would literally be absolute hell. Stomach triumphs over gaming any day.

New Year – What I’ve been up to

I realized about a week ago I haven’t done a blog post in a while. Things have mostly stayed the same. I’ll run down the last two months in quick fashion.


I played only a week and a half of season seven before deciding to quit. I quit because of two factors: I felt my progress stagnate and the toxic community can go to hell. So I hit masters and played eleven games after placement. Not too bad for a total of nine hours.


Maybe I’ll jump back to this season of competitive play. I need to deal with being on tilt better. The Overwatch League is amazing so far. That’s all I can say about it.


The mobile game from Delight Works. The ridiculously popular gacha game from Japan has been brought over to the states, but I’m not playing the NA version. I’m still on the Japanese version. I’ve spent too much time leveling my servants and grinding for material to just toss it away.

mats i have to grind for servants

My goal this year is to skill up all these servants to 10/10/10. It’s going to take a long time at my casual pace, but I’ll get there eventually. I only have one servant at 10/10/10 and that’s Okita Souji.


The recent banner, Da Vinci and The Seven Counterfeit Heroic Spirits Rerun should help just a bit. The grind never ends in this game. The prologue for Chapter two was epic and crazy. I cannot wait for chapter two to be release sometime in the Spring. YOROKOBE!


I started to play this game again. Here’s my current progress:

gear list

I made great strides with all my gear. The dandelion hit Tet with a 69 failstack. I also grinded out an entire week to hit 61. My next goal is to get both the main and offhand to Tet. Right now, I’m AFK fishing at Tarif. I’m all grinded out and I need a break from it.

What to look forward to in the future

I’ll try to be more proactive this year in terms of writing. I’ll try to do one post every week or so and the content will vary greatly. Anyway, time to kick this new year into overdrive!

Gone for a while

So a year has gone by since I’ve posted on this blog. Lack of interest in writing and laziness contributed to this…stagnation. Any sensible person would try climb out of the pit that is laziness, but I’ve wallowed in my own stupidity.

Being unemployed hasn’t helped either. Whatever funds I had saved up in college/part-time job I had before is exhausted. The only upside is living with my parents (A stigma in some circles). So I thought I use Word Press as an outlet to vent some of this frustration.

Besides the venting, I would like to post my usual gaming content on here to tell you my progress or takes on a game. Someone’s bound to read this blog (I hope) and can relate to my predicament. In any case, I hope I can provide entertaining content in the future and try to power through my problems as an individual.

Rage Cage, Happy Holidays, and Likes

I’m absolutely fuming over in League of Legends. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the minds of my teammates. 1v4? Jumps into the fray and gets killed, blames teammates for not backing he/she up when the team is dispersed. All sorts of shit that happens in game makes me really mad. I call it, The Rage Cage. When I’m in that state, I lose it. I’m on tilt. I start making sloppy plays and events start to cascade towards defeat. It’s bad if it happens in ranked games. RAGE CAGE!

Finally reached ten likes on this blog, which surprises me. Ten might not sound a lot, but every little bit of support helps.

Besides that, I’m still fixing my Korean client for Black Desert because I’m getting some weird stutters that seem unusual. I hope you guys have a Happy New Year, Happy Holidays and all that good stuff.